The Hope That Tomorrow Will Bring

Tonight I am sitting in Panera, headphones in, using Free Wi-FI, and memories of college come flooding through my mind.  I remember hours and hours of sitting in these comfy chairs, never knowing what was ahead of me after college, and only trying to thrive and survive. 

Wild and Free

Crazy how things often come back around. Here I sit, once again, not knowing exactly what is a head of me.  My life is currently being lived in the form of suitcases and packed cars.  Ron left on Saturday, 26 foot passenger truck in tow, loaded to the max, and our life is about to change.

And it's scary and crazy and makes me nervous, but so incredibly exciting all in one.

Throughout this whole process I know the Lord has been stripping us.  So many people want to know, "But why are you leaving...?" I loved what Pastor Hamp Green said in his last message.  "God cannot move when you are comfortable"....Even the word of God states it...."


John 16:33
³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Have you ever really thought about this verse?....I think so often we love to read the part that says, "Take heart I have over come"......because honestly, who really likes to hear, "You will have trouble..." 

But if you go back and look at the first part of this verse, you might see it differently....

I HAVE TOLD YOU THESE THINGS, SO THAT IN ME, YOU MIGHT HAVE PEACE....

Really?  Jesus is trying to comfort us and give us peace....Normally when I want to comfort someone or give them peace of mind, my typical response isn't, "Hey, things are going to get REALLY bad, but don't worry, you got this...." No I think I like things more flowery and promising.....

But that's just the point...This isn't our real home and we aren't supposed to have everything perfect...It doesn't mean we can't enjoy life and that the Lord won't bless us, but when we are comfortably we only depend on ourselves...there's no room for God...

So, as we get ready to change all we know, leave our families and friends, so many might not find peace there...but it's incredible to see how the Lord has given me peace in the trouble... I really don't know how..in the trouble of packing...in the trouble of purging....

YES, I did have to get rid of my favorite recliner, the one thing I wanted to bring, yes, Ron did make me leave it behind....and I almost cried.....I had gotten it before Addy was born, nursed in it, fell asleep in it...it was mine....

First Night I got it!

And then the Lord convicted me....why are you hanging on to a RECLINER, it's a recliner....Don't you think I am big enough to restore your Big Lots Christmas Special recliner?.....I was feeling sorry for myself and leaving our dream house behind and having a pity party over things.....and don't we all do it....especially us women....But Lord, she is prettier, they have well behaved kiddos, their yard is awesome...we all do it and we all cling so tight.....

But the Lord wants to bring us PEACE...He wants to give us Hope...and He wants to strip us....Yes, we will have trouble, but the Lord restore and changes us and grows us and if we stay in the same place, there's no way to grow or move to the even bigger and better things He has planned for us......

We have to get out of our comfort zones or we will die there....it's life..it's the truth

So what is your comfort zone?....Where is the Lord leading you to go, maybe kicking and screaming?.....When we first talked about Florida I told Ron, "No way, it isn't happening..."
But, as I realized that the Lord had been preparing us to go, and slowly started letting go...Doors started opening like crazy...our journey to Florida has been incredible and there will definitely be a future post on that story...because I am still completely in awe of all He has done..but tonight I challenge you....What insecurities do you need to kick to the curb?  Comparison is the thief of joy.....so....What do you need to let go of, to be stripped of?....

I promise, you may not want to take that leap of faith, but you will never get to truly experience the beauty of floating in the air if you can never jump out of the plane.....

Trusting in things unseen, and so excited to see where the Lord takes us over these next few week....

The Lord's romance for me the morning Ron left

Jen

NEW BLOG COMING SOON!!!!!

The Pre-Addyson Birth Story.......

So yea, I know I haven't updated how my blog looks....Hmmm...I should probably figure out how to do that.....but Lauren did such a good job on it and so I guess for now let's just pretend it is new and pretty!!!

A new friend of mine was talking about our birth stories, and I figured it was probably about time to write mine down....Before I tell the story of what an incredible delivery we had, there's a little bit of a back story to understand why it truly was amazing.....So this is the PRE-BIRTH story....

Ron and I knew we wanted a baby.....We didn't really think to much about it....Just figured it would happen when the Lord wanted.....and in some ways, that was completely true....When we finally realized how the getting pregnant game works and that there's certain times, etc, we got pregnant immediately and we couldn't have been happier.  I remember seeing what I thought was a positive pregnancy test and freaking out, texting my Mom and best friend a picture, asking, "Is this positive enough?!?"

I can't help but smile thinking about it now and how silly they must have thought I was.....We had just bought a house, Ron was starting a brand new full time ministry, and it seemed like everything was falling into place.  The Lord knew what he was doing because I was due in October, which meant I would have all the holidays off and truly get to spend some amazing time together during the holiday.....

So pregnancy started and at 6 weeks I felt amazing!!! About the middle of my sixth week, it HIT.....like a tornado....Never have I experienced the nausea and horrible icky feeling that pregnancy brought....and it wasn't just in the morning, it was all day long, all night long, every second of the day....I was working at LWR and would literally wake up, have to eat honey nut cheerios before my feet even touched the ground, work till 4:30, miserable and barely able to stand up, come home, fall asleep, Ron would wake me up at 8:00 to eat dinner, and then I would go back to sleep....and that is how I lived life except for having to be at church and lead worship....and it lasted for what seemed like forever......I lost weight and pretty much forgot about running....I felt like there was an alien in my body and I had no control over it, which I would soon learn, would be so true even now :)  I thought I would never feel human again......And after almost 18 weeks of misery, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.....

or so I thought.....

By 18 weeks my nausea was gone and I learned I would be the Mommy to an amazing beautiful DAUGHTER.....which completely scared me...I didn't have sisters or really that many friends that were girls and I thought for sure I was going to have a boy....Man, the Lord has a sense of humor...

Things were good for about 10 weeks....I was able to start running again and I almost felt normal.....almost....

At 28 weeks I started having incredibly painful back pain....I tried prenatal yoga, I tried exercise, I tried stretching, but nothing seemed to make it better.....And then it happened.....

The Saturday before I was almost 32 weeks preggo I was at a birthday party for one of my besties when all of a sudden I couldn't breathe....I had never felt so much pain before in my entire life.....I knew I had to lay down....as I laid down on her sofa, I felt pain on my right side and I knew something was wrong....I could barely walk, I could barely breathe, I could barely move...

This sent me through a long series of numerous tests, ultrasounds, and two different hospital stays....I visited a chiropractor and his response was, "Well, it is an incredibly rare thing, but darling, I think your daughter broke your rib...." And after all the tests to rule out galbladder, kidneys, preterm labor, basically everything in the world it could be, all that was left to blame it on was a broken floating rib....in fact, on the numerous ultrasounds I was having to have, I could literally see her little foot propped up by rib, her own personal ottoman, crazy girl!!! This was followed by 8+ weeks of more misery.....

I am not sure if any of you have experienced a broken rib...but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy....Every time you breathe it hurts, every time you move you find sharp pain.....Ironically the same exact time I found out I had a broken rib, I also found out my work was downsizing and I would no longer have a job, unless I returned to being a floor nurse.....My absolute worst nightmare....

I was at a loss and had no where to turn but to the Lord.....He sustained me, he was the ultimate healer....He allowed doors to open up for me and I was able to assist in other areas at work, while living on ice packs.  Thank God for the LWR physical therapy department...They were my constant source of ice packs, which I lived on 24/7 since we all know Tylenol is not really good for anything and the Lord blessed me with a husband who was patient enough to understand......The Lord really made a way for me to survive in so many ways....Like the fact that our neighbors had a pool that I could relax in every night, and believe me, floating made is soo much better....weightless......and through it all...I grew and I grew and I grew....Although Addyson was measuring small, those 8 weeks passed, and we started anxiously waiting Addyson's arrival....

I knew I wanted to try to go natural.....I figured, I was an athlete, a runner, birthing a baby would be an easy thing.....My doctor highly suggested against it, since I did have a broken rib and all, but my mind was set, and I was going to at least try.....So many of my friends had gone natural, of course, so could I....

40 weeks came....and 40 weeks went...I really didn't want to be induced....the thought of pitocin was definitely not in my plan, but the Lord once again knew what he was doing.....I tried everything to get her to come out....I even ran almost 3 miles 2 days before she was delivered...(see the pic of me after my run below!)  She was stubborn and liked my ribs too much to want to leave

So the day came and my doc basically said, "Jenny, it's time......It's time for that rib to heal and for you not to be in pain anymore.....and so the date was set.....I would go into work half a day on Monday October 17th, leave around 12 to get ready, and return at 6 that night to start cervadil, in hopes to kick start my labor.......and as much as I DIDN'T want to be induced......I was finally done with the idea of pain, so big, and just ready to see my sweet girl.......

And so the labor would begin....or at least try to begin......

Stay tuned for the actual labor story next blog to see what happened!!!!

One year down....

One year ago tonight I was a nervous wreck, IV in my arm, trying to sleep, knowing my life was about to drastically change....And I couldn't sleep...

I was younger than I am now
Had plans and dreams of what she would be like
And 3 years of my Happily Ever After in full swing....

Looking back over the last year I can now say

I have been spit up more times than I can count
Squirted, pooped on, and destroyed by every bodily excretion knowns to man

I have been kissed with wide open mouth kisses
Love the way she says "Mama"
And remember the joy I felt when she turned over on her own

I've been a working mom, a nursing Mom (literally a nurse who nurses)
And made sacrafices to my exercise plan, diet plan and every plan I have had in between

I've enjoyed cuddles and laughter
Smiles, and too many tears
Learned the importance of a good nap
Been through 12 months of diapers
And the need that every Mama has to just cuddle with her Baby

I've realized the best feeling in the world is when she lays her head on my chest, knowing she's safe
I've seen the excitement she has when I walk in the door, and the tears she cries when I leave

I've loved the moments I've heard and seen between her and her Daddy,
knowing He's all I could every ask for and imagine

We've had sleepless nights, but far many sleepful nights
And it feels like I could write a book on schedule, feeding, and what seemed to work for us

I've learned how to be a little less selfish, a little more involved, and learned the art of taking a picture quickly because someone is a mover and a shaker

We've gone from never taking a bottle (Thank you Cherie), to a world of new foods and tastes
We've learned that size is really realative, and the excitement of new words, new songs, and new smiles

And my life will never be the same....

Addyson Faith, I am forever changed...I love you so much and I cannot imagine my life without you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET GIRL

There's a change a coming...

So most recently I have been wanting to blog.....My dear friend Lauren started talking about blogging again and I got this sudden urge and desire to drop everything I was doing and go blog....Then I woke up and realized I have an 11 month old that takes up practically 99% of my non-working life....

And that made me realize....11.5 months....Over 11.5 months since I have blogged.....

I am definitely a different person.  Looking back over the last 11.5 months of my life, I have said more, done more, and cried more than I have ever thought I would....Moments of joy, moments of beauty, even moments of aggravation (Why won't you eat more? Is that a tooth coming in?  Will you ever turn over, crawl, talk, walk, etc?) that have made me a different person....

I know life is a journey of things constantly changing and what it's and what's to be's, but I never realized how I am not who I used to be....I think of the old life, the "old me" and "who I used to be" and I realize how selfish I was, and even still am....When you sign up for Mommyhood, I think most women never realize how selfless that means you have to be....But I have also been realizing that sometimes I fall into this trap of entitlement.  In my head I rationalize being able to sit on the couch and blog while I drink my coffee and listen to the "music I use to love" (that Ron doesn't really love)...and I find myself thinking I definitely am entitiled to be able to do this right?  I work and when I don't work I am taking care of my beautiful girl so I deserve a few moments in peace....

And I'm not saying I don't....I think every Mommy deserves some Mommy Time....but my most recent challenge is trying to not take advantage of this....Just because I might deserve  something, doesn't mean I am entitiled to take advantage of the situation.....My first goal of this life has to be my relationship with God, then my amazing incredible husband, my daughter, my family, work, etc......And I realize no where in that line up does the "me mentality" fit in the picture......

As Godly women, diligently seeking his face, the goal is to find that perfect balance....There will always be laundry. There will always be something to clean, and more than likely a dirty diaper or crying baby somewhere, but when we allow ourselves to focus on being in love with our Father and Savior, we take the focus off our desires and the need and struggle I fight with, to be selfish, and realize there's so much more in this world than what Jenny wants....

While we were in ministry, and throughout my life, I've always talked to my girls about being romanced by the Lord.....I used to challange them to look for how the Lord is romancing them....A beautiful sunset, your favorite song on the radio...A killer bargain on a new outfit....All these things that the Lord does to remind us of how in Love with us he is.....And sometimes as a new Mom, I forget that romance factor.....Last night I had a dream that I had to convince Ron to take me to the homecoming dance, and when I finally did, I was so excited because he let me get a new dress.....I woke up with a smile on my face, thinking, "Why did I just dream about going to Homecoming?" but I think deep down, it's my heart's cry, maybe even just wishful thinking, for the "old days".... to have a fancy party to dress up for, to fix my hair, and buy a new dress, just to feel beautiful and romantic.....And through it all the Lord is there, ready and waiting to spin me on the dance floor....and even if Ron just happens to tap in, and request that dance, that might just be ok...

So whether or not I am the old Jenny, or the new Mommy Jenny...deep down we all long for that romance...and as I grow and change I know the Lord is there besides me, ready to romance me and whisk me off on the dance floor...but if I choose that sense of entitlement, I might miss out on the beauty and the little things He's trying to show me, because I am too busy looking in the rear view mirror, instead of outside my window where the most amazing sunrise awaits....

Trusting in things unseen, and still trying to figure it out...

Jen

P.s. Yes, I will be changing the format of this blog soon....Since Addyson is much bigger than a watermelon....I just have to figure out how...

Nursery in the Making...

So I didn't really want to post pictures of Addyson's Nursery till it was completely completely done....but since it won't officially be done until my parent's come down when I am in labor, I realized I could at least give you all a sneak peak....We still want to add some trinkets here and there.....as well as the fact that Jerry is bringing the hutch that goes on top of the changing table, and with that is the houndstooth cushions Mom made for our rocker/ottoman....but here's a start....I am so thankful for my Mom and all the gorgeous things she made!!!!

Entry Way...The other side of the sign says Addyson Faith, For the hospital

View from the door

Picture Wall...

Storage for Addy's Toys

Thanks to EAK photos for great maternity pics! Plus some Grandparent Pics

Beautiful Prayer by Angie!

On the left side when you walk in, Painting by a Friend at work

Pom Poms by Dionne!

Addy's Bags Ready and Packed...This chair will have hounds-tooth cushions!

Shoes and Square by Dionne at Addy's shower...Picture of her to come

Packed Closet Designed by Ron! Thanks so much to Deneen Smith who gave me over half of all these clothes from Olivia!!! Sign by Dionne! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sign by Dionne

Crib Area! Jerry made an A to go in between the flowers

Here's the A....You can't tell but it's sparkly!

Bedding by Mom...White baby blanket by Shelia

Corner Shelves with a pic of Ron's Sweet Mom and Addyson's Grandma who is now in Heaven

Changing Table built by Jerry...Hutch to come

This is the hutch that is on the way

Behind the picture is a Twinke Warmer....It melts a scent but it also a light and puts stars on the wall and the words to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" are written all over the warmer....Our friend chose Newborn Scent so will be perfect for the hutch!

Love the flower lights at night!

So so excited that the nursery is almost done....I can't believe that in less than 18 days, she will be here.....Although I don't want to be induced, I found out today that if I go past October 14th, then I will probably be induced on the 18th....I know there's lot of drama with induction...I have heard all about it, I promise...ha...and I don't want to be induced, but I also know she can't stay in there forever....and I really want to meet her......But the truth is, I know I have a big God who loves me and knows exactly how and when she will come.....

As I think about how much my life is about to change, I am just so blown away with the blessings we God has already given us....So many people have gone out of the way to make our nursery beautiful and have surprised us with so many nice things....She is definitely going to be well taken care off.....

Now if she would just hurry about and get here.....

Hope you enjoyed this sneak peak and can't wait for you all to see the final final product!

Jen