Isn’t it interesting how whenever the Lord really seems to be moving in our lives, that’s often times when crazy things start happening? I cannot wait to tell you the story of how we’re ending up in our new house, that journey and all the Lord has done for us, but in the meantime, let me tell you another story…
When you have a kid who had cancer, you celebrate every single day that she is healed and whole. There’s this faith you are almost forced to find. But it’s not a guarantee. And there are moments where the enemy might try to rear his ugly head and start to shake that faith. Since Laney has been off treatment, I can only think of maybe one or two other times that faith was shaken, but it was around the time that God was really moving in our lives.
Sometimes symptoms start to show up, that seem all-too-familiar. Excessive bruising, general feelings of tiredness, some subjective fever, and swollen lymph nodes. None of these things are really normal, but they are especially not normal when those were the signs that told you your daughter had cancer. Over the last week or so we’ve just noticed different things with Alayna. Specifically bruising and swollen lymph nodes. We are in the middle of our two closings and we’ve had a couple setbacks, I had a random wrist injury, car issues, some crazy news at work, and so many things happening, but overall we are full force ahead and planning to close on one house on Friday, and the other house the following Friday. So, of course the enemy would want to shake our faith, and these symptoms started popping up, and other things that really probably aren’t a big deal, but for Laney Bug and her history, could really be concerning.
So much so, my little beautiful miracle asked me, “Mama, do I have cancer again?”
Immediately your heart stops beating, and as much as you assure her she doesn’t and she’s perfect, you, yourself start to wonder. Thankfully we have doctors and a team behind us that get it. That understand that feeling of, “I know she’s fine, but is she really?” They don’t mind the late night texts. They don’t mind when you just need to talk through everything one more time. Eventually you just bite the bullet and go get blood work. And that is where we were at over the last 24 hours. You know and believe she is healed completely, but the Thomas within us all, just needs to know she really is. We texted some family and friends, I tried to rationalize my fears, we prayed. We really prayed. We knew, but we needed to know, if that makes sense?
“I’ve seen cancer disappear, I’ve seen metal plates dissolve,
don’t you tell me He can’t do it, don’t you tell me he can’t do it….
You’re the wonder working God, all the miracles I’ve seen,
you’re too good to not believe”
After a quick exam, some blood work, both the NP and our amazing doc walk in the room together. The see my face, and that fear in my eyes, because I have learned that when more than one doctor comes in, it’s never a good thing. They look at me and say, “No, no, no, she’s perfect. She’s ok….”
One huge sigh of relief, And then there’s that peace. They tell us, she is definitely fighting something, but she is still cancer free. No leukemia. Best words ever.
He truly is too good to not believe
There’s miracles every single day. Every single day we get to kick the Devil in the face. Every single day we have to find that faith. Sometimes our eyes have to see something of substance, even if our heart and mind know the truth. Sometimes we have these reminders, just so we can remember who He is, how much we need him, that
“…I don’t want to forget how this feels right now…” moment
At the end of the morning, after a Starbucks cake pop, of course, she bounced on into school for crazy sock day, and we continue towards closing on Friday.
No one made me feel silly for asking for blood work. They saw the symptoms. They were there. But even when it looks bad, or even when things happen that we don’t understand, that don’t make sense, HE IS STILL GOOD. So thankful for family, friends, and doctors that walk this hard road with us. But more so thankful for such a good, good God. He truly is the wonder working God.
I’m already loved
I’m already chosen
I know who I am
I know what He’s spoken
I don’t know what He has planned for us, what He has planned for Laney, but clearly He isn’t finished with us. He is faithful. He will give you that strength one way or the another. It may not be pretty how we get there, but we can trust in who He is and how much He loves us. I will continue to sing of His goodness, smile more, and praise Him for who He is.
Thank you Jesus, thank you for letting us live in your goodness. Thank you for being enough. Thank you for our precious girl. May we never take your goodness for granted. Thank you for healing. Lord help us continue to make you known, whatever that looks like, even when we don’t know.
You heal because you love, you’re too good to not believe
Find that faith, even if it isn’t pretty or easy, even if you can’t see it or feel it, it’s there. Believing you find it today…
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